We just finished Week 3 of my online men’s group, where I guide men on a journey of awakening intimacy and self-connection.
And as I sit with everything that unfolding in these sessions, I keep coming back to one of the greatest myths of masculinity:
The idea that we are here to overcome, battle against, and triumph over our demons.
But what if our demons were never meant to be conquered?
What if they were simply the lost and wounded parts of ourselves, waiting to be seen, held, and loved?
Because when you look deeper, those demons were often formed in the absence of love.
They were born when we weren’t seen.
When we weren’t allowed to feel.
When we were told that to be strong, we had to reject parts of ourselves.
And yet, this very rejection is what creates the shadows in the first place.
True Strength Is Found in Integration
To embody a solid, grounded, and sacred masculine isn’t about fighting harder.
It’s about welcoming home the fragmented parts of ourselves that once ran into the unconscious, hiding in the shadows of our pain.
It’s about integration, not conquest.
The Taoists understood this wisdom long ago:
“Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water. Yet nature uses it to cut through rock and to form canyons.”
“The soft overcomes the hard; the gentle overcomes the rigid. Everyone knows this, but few can put it into practice.” - Tao Te Ching
This is the paradox of true strength: it has its roots in gentleness.
The Sacred Art of Loving Yourself
“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.”
Byron Katie
“ sometimes the best way to heal is to allow yourself to be exactly as you are” - Matt Kahn
This morning, as I sip my tea, I notice something.
I’ve finally learned a sacred art—to make peace with the moments I feel empty.
I used to believe that dark moods, exhaustion, or heavy emotions were problems to be fixed.
Now, I see the only problem was my inability to sit with them with compassion.
Yes, sometimes resilience and action are needed.
But there are also times when the strongest thing I can do is to be still and simply be with what arises.
My Core Practice Is Love
The older I get, the clearer my purpose becomes.
I am here for one simple mission: love.
And as my heart awakens more fully to this mission, I see that it begins within.
To allow love to flow freely in my life, I must first extend that love to every part of me.
From joy to sadness.
From confidence to doubt.
From moments of triumph to times of exhaustion.
Nothing is rejected. Nothing is excluded.
Because I see now that much of my past struggles my anxieties, my restlessnes were simply the result of trying to fight against parts of myself.
Of believing that happiness was always waiting for me in some distant future.
But happiness isn’tt found in some imagined destination.
It’s found in opening your heart fully to the present moment to all of you.
A Message to My Brothers
If you’re reading this today, take it as a permission slip:
You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need to battle yourself.
You don’t need to fix what was never broken.
What if, instead, you softened?
What if you allowed yourself to be held by life?
As the Tao reminds us:
Men are born soft and supple;
dead, they are stiff and hard.
Plants are born tender and pliant;
dead, they are brittle and dry.
Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible
is a disciple of death.
Whoever is soft and yielding
is a disciple of life.
Tao Te Ching, Chapter 76
Be like water, my friend.
Surrender.
Flow.
And let life love you.
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